One of the women I breakfasted with told a story of meeting with executives trying to determine if she was entitled to a promotion. She was a manager and told a great story about how much her team had accomplished for the company. She thought she was knocking them dead – until one executive asked her this question: “If your team is accomplishing all these great things, why do we need you?”

It took her a moment to realize he was serious.

A Mystery?

Another described worrying obsessively in her early career about making mistakes. We all do that to some extent, but her specific concern was that a mistake was all that her male colleagues would remember about her. Yet another spoke of her frustration that her male boss would never provide her with feedback because, she suspected, he thought she would dissolve into tears at the faintest hint of critique.

Gentlemen, if you are slowly shaking your head and thinking, “Women sure are a mystery, aren’t they?” read on. Because the women are here and they’re coming in greater numbers. They are graduating from university programs at rates much greater than men. They are seeking responsibility and authority and a chance to excel in their jobs, and they won’t wait forever to get it. And this industry badly needs their talents, their insights and their perspectives.

Not the Only Way to Get Things Done

Capitol Records had a chance to sign the Beatles back when they were practically unknown. The company turned them down. If you don’t want to risk being the person who fails to hire, develop and promote the next Gwynne Shotwell, you need to give up the unthinking assumption that the male way of doing things is just the way we get things done.

It’s not about choosing the right words every time. It’s not about talking up how non-sexist you are at every opportunity. Sexism is deeply ingrained in most of our cultures. One woman at breakfast confessed that she spoke differently to the women and men who reported to her, offering more gentle guidance to the women and issuing more orders to men.

For men, it’s about trying to understand the culture of women, just as you would the culture of a country where you are doing business. Of course, there isn’t really a “culture of women,” because women are as varied in their experience, attitudes and personalities as the other half of humanity. But on average, their experience of childhood, education and work have probably differed significantly from that of the guys. To understand that, men need to let comfortable assumptions about the way things are done yield to perceptive listening and a willingness to see things differently.

A Very Different Meeting

Imagine how different that woman’s promotion meeting would have been if the snooty boss had instead said, “You are talking a lot about what your team has done. Could you talk about how you have led that team to success?” The executives sitting in judgment of her would have learned more. She would have learned what her management wanted to know about her without feeling shamed. And the company would have improved its odds of keeping an employee who, based on just the hour I spent with her, they couldn’t afford to lose.

I was born long, long ago, when satellite engineers dragged their knuckles on the ground and battled saber-toothed cats on the way to the office. Baked into my heart and soul are all sorts of “isms” that I could do without. But with each passing year, the less willing I am to be a sock puppet for stories from the past, and the more receptive I want to be to the wonders coming my way. And that very much includes the WISE women of SSPI.